Funny

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Oscar Wilde

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

Douglas Adams

A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.

Lana Turner

Never criticize Americans. They have the best taste that money can buy.

Miles Kington

Astronomers, like burglars and jazz musicians, operate best at night.

Miles Kington

The truth is, sex doesn’t mean that much to me now.

Lana Turner

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Oscar Wilde

True friends stab you in the front.

Oscar Wilde

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Oscar Wilde

I can resist everything except temptation.

Oscar Wilde

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Benjamin Franklin

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

Benjamin Franklin

I’m for whatever gets you through the night.

Frank Sinatra

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.

Frank Sinatra

Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?

Douglas Adams

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Douglas Adams

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Douglas Adams

The Universe is under no obligation to make sense to you.

Neil deGrasse Tyson